Pappa wants mamma naked
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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