the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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