Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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