We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
