Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
