Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
