Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
