You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
