If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
