How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
