Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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