So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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