Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
