Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
