my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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