even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
