There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
