After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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