I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
