My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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