so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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