I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
