Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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