I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
