This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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