Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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