i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
