the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
