he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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