I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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