yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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