just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
