see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
