Yo dont text me then not text me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
