You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I need water and some morals
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
