I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it was like eating out sand paper
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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