OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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