My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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