we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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