I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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