if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
