I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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