she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
As shirtless as possible
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
