I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Randomize
