R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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