It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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