I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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