Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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