is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
