I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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