put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
