I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
