i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
