That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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