It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
