U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
